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What now Tiger Woods? by John
It was a hot summer's day in Coventry. Heather set off for the Golf Tournament clutching her putter to her chest.
She arrived in time to see the crowds waiting for Tiger Woods to appear. She had a job to get into the clubhouse and put her golf-bag in order since there were so many people there.
The Club Secretary was putting the draws up on the board. Heather stepped back in shock and knocked her golf-bag over. Her name was drawn against Tiger's!
Well, nothing went right for her at all. First she pitched the ball into the rough, then into the lake around the corner and then into the big bunker on the left.
Tears were pouring down her face as they approached the eighteenth hole.
Suddenly she heard a noise in the bushes. A face peered out. A very familiar face - it was Neil, a boy from school who was normally not that nice to her so she stepped back a little.
"Pass me your clothes," he whispered. "I have a wig here which will do!"
Heather turned to go, she had never heard such nonsense in her life!
"Quickly," whispered Neil a little bit louder. "I can take your place and then we stand a chance!"
"Don't be daft," cried Heather. "Tiger Woods is ten places above me in the results order! There's no way you can beat him now!"
"Leave that to me," chuckled Neil. "Come on, what have you got to lose?"
They quickly swapped clothes (Heather kept giggling at the sight of Neil dressed up as her) and Neil set off to the tee.
He took the perfect shot and stood back to watch the master.
Just as Tiger was about to tee off a family of toads wandered in front of the tee and the ball shot straight to his left!
Neil marched on up the fairway whilst Tiger ferreted about in the bushes. He found his ball and was just about to lob it onto the fairway when a rabbit popped up right in front of him. He stepped back in surprise and the ball rolled two inches into a deep hole.
Neil, meantime, was waiting by his perfectly placed ball and sniggered gently to himself.
Well, shall we say that Tiger had his work cut out even to get out of the bushes. After the rabbit came the fox (chasing the rabbit of course), then the badger, out for his afternoon stroll. Once back onto the fairway, just on the edge of the stream which ran across the course, Tiger was about to send his ball up onto the green when an otter leaped out of the stream, grabbed the ball and ran off with it!
Neil had placed his ball perfectly on the green by this time and was waiting patiently.
Eventually, Tiger got onto the green as well. Unfortunately, by this time, he was so cross and hot and bothered that sweat was pouring down his face and he couldn't see too well. Also he was, in his mind, still seeing half the wildlife of Coventry pass before his eyes! He missed his first putt, and the second. He was sooo furious he whacked his ball straight across the green and into the crowd. A small sound came from the crowd which did, actually sound familiar but Tiger put it out of his mind as he strode across to have one more go. A small figure, dressed in shorts and t-shirt scurried away, hand clasped across her mouth, giggling fit to burst.
Two shots later, Tiger's ball was placed just two inches from the hole. Neil had putted in one. Just as Tiger was about to place his ball gently into the hole (it would have been a draw at this point), up popped a mole from the hole (turned out he had taken a wrong turning - quite meant to go the other way to the cricket pitch in fact - good fun to be had on the wicket there!). The ball headed smartly towards the mole's head. The mole put his head down and braced his four feet. The ball bounced neatly off his head and disappeared.
An awful sobbing sound could be heard and Tiger was to be seen lying flat on the green kicking and thrashing in despair.
Heather and Neil met in the crowd and quickly swapped back their clothes. They had done it! They had won millions!
How did Neil do it? That would be telling - he may need to call on his somewhat magical skills again sometime in the future!